Winter
by MartukaBrennan
Summary: Memories of the queen before embarking on an important trip.


She remembered one of the hardest winters she had to live. The locals took advantage of this type of day to lock themselves in their homes with their families and thus spend quality time doing crafts, cooking or just chatting. But undoubtedly everyone's topic of conversation was the huge storm that had fallen that year. Many left their activities aside to simply admire the beauty of the snowfall from the safety and warmth of their homes.

However, not every corner of Arendelle felt the same atmosphere. In the orphanage, while everyone was already covered as they could with their few blankets and the little heat they gave, little Iduna had managed to climb one of the walls to the upper window. From there she watched the blizzard that lashed every corner of the territory with a mixture of fear and admiration. It was a terrifying storm, but in its own way it was also beautiful. It was a truly amazing force of nature.

She focused her gaze to the north. She wondered if the storm would also affect his people. Would they hear thunder? Would they feel the snow, the cold? Could her see them again? One of the things that they would talk about would undoubtedly be this storm.

The last few years had not been easy. She wasn´t locked. Not because she was not bound by the laws of the enclosure, but because she was much more agile than the other children and always found a way to escape whenever she wanted. But for days like this, the cold orphanage was a blessing.

Although she missed his family a lot, one way or another, destiny always left in her way wonderful people who helped her: an orphanage teacher and the town librarian, who taught her to read, the culture and history of the Arendelians ; the baker of the central town and the seamstress who helped her adapt to her new "home", in addition to several children who lived with her. And of course, Agnarr.

She remembered one of the hardest winters she had to live. Since she left the forest on that fateful day, she occasionally met him. She took advantage of her ability to overcome the barrier of the castle walls and find it in one of the gardens. He did not remember that they had shared a few moments the same day of the incident, due to a strong blow he received in his head, he only knew that she had found him outside the forest and took him safely back to Arendelle. Because of this, and because the girl mentioned that she was an orphan, it is that the king and his advisors sought her a place in the orphanage. Of course, Iduna listened and interpreted the advisors' words every time the Northuldras were mentioned. The best thing would be to say nothing about her origins.

That didn't bother her, not quite. Besides, she only spent time with Agnarr. She didn't quite understand what his role in the palace was, but if he was there all the time and surrounded by men with papers or swords, he may do something important. But he was so young, like her, with similar interests, so jovial and charming. That's why she couldn't imagine him in the same group of those rough and annoying guys who talked nonsense about their people.

Every time they met, they spent hours together. They could talk about books, like music, plays, the weather, the stars. There was no particular topic, it was the company of each other. Or the fact that between them they could be themselves. No politics, no papers. Only them.

Maybe that's why she was so shocked when, after years, they found themselves outside the castle by the fjord in a relentless rain and he confessed that he was the king of Arendelle.

He saw her face and froze. All this time he didn't want to tell her anything because he thought she could be scared of his position and think that this should behave differently with him. That did not matter to him, he just wanted to continue sharing with her, but he was of age and begin his tour on different places and devote himself more to his work as king. He was afraid that she would see him that way, because it was only the first part of his statement. He also wanted her to accompany him. Because she was the smartest woman he knew, and she knew how to talk to people and, after all, that would be very useful for him, the tour and the daily work. At least that was what he told to his advisors to hire her. He feared she would see him differently now.

She was, in fact, paralyzed. But for none of the reasons Agnarr had in his head. Because she understood that it he was who decreed unpleasant people to the Northuldras, who forbade their language and, finally, understood that he thought the same as the guys with papers and swords who spoke ill of their people.

However, she could identify something in his gaze: fear. Afraid she rejected him.

And she understood that at the bottom of that king was the boy with whom she had shared the last years of her life. The one who had shared his anecdotes, his secrets, his memories with her. That boy was still there, he had only been raised with part of the story. The story that the habitants of Arendelle knew. The story of King Runeard.

She accepted it because she saw beyond his position in the palace. Then she accepted his work proposal because considered it a humble job, and from her position she could help Agnarr give him another perspective. Then she accepted his invitations to the palace dances, accepted his complices looks, accepted his night walks, his kisses and his marriage proposal. She accepted it because she loved him.

She remembered one of the hardest winters she had to live. Occasionally, she traveled to the banks of the enchanted forest. The first few times to see if she could find a way to re-enter, and in recent years she only did it because that way she felt closer to her people.

The rain was relentless, but she needed to be near the walls of fog. It was on that occasion that the spirits manifested in front of her. They told her that, as in that day, and throughout her life, she had been the only one who had shown compassion on both sides, she and Agnarr represented the union of both peoples. Therefore, they would receive a gift. A tacit sample of this union. A son. A being with the blood of both families.

She was excited, partly because of what the spirits indicated, but mostly because she had created life with the person she loved. She didn't care if it was the union of two worlds, her son would be a gift, whether he came from spirits or not.

However, when she understood that her son would have the mission of being the bridge between both worlds, she became frightened. Not only because the path of her offspring was marked, but because she would have a conversation with her husband, a talk she had delayed for a long time: she should tell him that she was northuldra.

It was a long way home, the longest she could remember. The rain had not stopped at any time, not even when she saw Agnarr, not even when she told him she was pregnant, not even when she said should tell him something about her past. But the rain also didn't stop when Agnarr heard it, or when it dried her tears, or when he hugged her with compassion, love and remorse. The rain always accompanied her, and she thought it was because she didn't tell him everything. She never told him that she was there that day. But winter always had that double effect on her, like a bipolar force that scared and impressed her at the same time. In a strange way, the winter always calm her down, gave her peace. For that reason, she felt hope, she was glad to have that recurring force in her worst moments. That's why she smiled when her daughter was born. It was her girl. Her personal winter. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she would be there, because winter was always with her, it was part of her, like Elsa.

She thought about the hardest winters she had to live, and it missed them. Because it is not the same to have to go through the storm than to see your loved ones go through it. Elsa was born with an amazing power that was growing every day, so much that she had put her sister at risk, Anna, who was born three years after Elsa.

It was very painful to see her daughters suffer without being able to do anything. She knew that as parents they could do something better for their daughters, but was very limited by the laws of Arendelle and the beliefs of the people, and Agnarr, who tried to do the best for everyone but could not make big changes without arousing suspicions of others. And they already had enough problems. That's why she began to investigate. She couldn't let her little winter go through all this alone. She should help her. She would find the way.

She remembered the hardest winter she had to live. She had found something. A map to Ahtohallan. Until that moment she thought it was just a myth. But there she was, standing in front of the window, watching the heavy rain that fell on Arendelle, next to their bags and with the map in her hands. Tomorrow she would leave for that mythical river to find a way to help her daughter. Agnarr was with her. He had already changed his mind about magic. He no longer felt an aberration towards it, especially in the early years of Elsa. He had been able to see the things she did, and he was amazed. Moreover, he could no longer link his negative thoughts to magic with the image of Elsa. They just didn´t match. But he still feared it, especially after seeing how his family had ended. Perhaps his decisions had damaged his family, and he was tormented by it, but at this point it was not worth looking back, he had to find a solution, no matter how strange it might sound. And after searching, researching and consulting, all they had found was the map of an island that they didn't know if it existed. But if that turned out to be the grain of hope they needed to find the answer to help Elsa, then he would go to Ahtohallan.

They would have to leave their girls under the care of the palace servants, but it didn't matter. Too many years had passed without being able to do anything. It might seem little or illusory to embark on this trip, but it was all they had. Her girls were strong, intelligent and brave. They would understand their parents: Anna would understand the years of silence and Elsa would understand whatever she should do.

Iduna remembered his worst winters and felt no fear. Life had not been easy, but she had found good travel companions, life and wonderful daughters. And she would do anything for them.

Iduna was not afraid of her trip, she was afraid of not finding answers, afraid of not being able to help her daughters, afraid of not hugging Elsa or Anna again. She was afraid of future winters.

Because, if her search failed, her winters would be nothing compared to what her daughter should face.

She would do it. For Elsa.


End file.
